One month ago I joined a gym. This is of some surprise since I don’t care for gyms. But one of my co-workers is very active and we found one close to our work. We’ve become efficient with our lunch hour and can be desk to desk within a hour, giving us time to change, drive to the gym, work out for 30 minutes and reverse the process.
The amazing thing? I love it. I’ve realized that I don’t like gyms but I like going with a friend. By nature I’m an indoor kid. Give me a book, mug of tea and a blanket any day, and I’m happy as can be. But I like doing things with friends, which is why I was able to do the Couch to 5K program for two summers. Last summer without any friends to do it with, I ran once. Count that: 1 time.
The gym led me to sign up for one of their personal trainers. It was something I have thought about for years. And I did it. I chose a trainer who said “hi” to me every day. Someone who did my initial fitness assessment and was compassionate, considerate, and understood that I need to place tiny goals in front of myself. “Dreams have no deadline,” he said to me.
I’ve had two sessions with Josh, this tall, fit person the opposite of what I am, and I can honestly say that it is one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. It is a privilege, but I no longer think of it as an extravagance. This is the body I have, the body I battled with for more than two years, and it didn’t work in the way I wanted it to. Don’t get me wrong, it’s awesome and it did its job keeping me alive and disease-free, but I felt as if I was locked in a war with my insides, and frankly, ignored my outsides. I have 10 more sessions with Josh and I’m doing the best I can. That includes making labor-like noises and any sound in between. But it’s an hour of pushing myself physically more than I have in years. I mean, years. My legs wobble at the end of a session and for days afterwards. Muscles that I never thought I had ache. I get through some of the exercises with sheer will. My face raining, I chant to myself, “I’ve had a child. I can do anything.”